04.16.2005 / 9:29 p.m.

How pitiful am I? Sitting here on a Saturday night typing in D-land, listening to the iTunes version of A1mee Man's "Vo1ces Carry"???

(Shut up, it's a good song and even prettier when slow and acoustic).

He's at the show and I promised I'd join him sooner rather than later. Could've gone with him but I hate sitting around while he unloads gear and talks band talk. So instead I choose to wallow in solitary confinement, putting off the moment when I need to trek to the back of the house to make myself presentable.

This heavyheartedness has lasted longer than most bouts. Pulling me down despite the moments of I-will-not-feel-this-way and forceful runs and hits of sunshine.

Maybe the night out will help.

Maybe, I hope because it's getting to the point where I don't even know what the point is - why exactly I feel this way. I couldn't tell you. I wish I could, but it's just an unknown right now.

then ... now